Keeping Hope Alive in the Face of Disappointment Part 3

Are hope and optimism related?

In part 1 of my examination of this concept, I asked you to think about how you react to adversity. Do you regard yourself as a hopeful person - basically, are you an optimist? Or is your first knee-jerk reaction to disappointment similar to Eeyore’s pessimistic sigh as he grumbles under his breath?

Photo Credit:  J. Howeth

I only ask this because it seems like optimists have an advantage and are more readily open to feeling hopeful sooner than pessimists - like pessimists need a longer run at it. Eeyore gets there – just more slowly than Pooh.

Personally, I would not describe myself as either. However, as I sit in the nebulous middle – I see that my posture slants toward pessimism – my perspective of the world is tarnished. I was raised in a gloomy household by parents who rarely laughed. Life was serious. A child of the depression and a young adult during WWII, my mother was always warning me, “Don’t get your hopes up.” So, I rarely did. Consequently, if I was born with a hopeful nature, I didn’t learn how to exploit or recognize it beneath the green patina of my formative years.

It hardly takes a psych degree to understand that a collection of disappointments can be the foundation for discouragement, and once discouragement becomes the background music, it can be difficult “keeping one’s chin up” – another piece of advice from my mom.

Sounds like it’s all downhill from there, right? Disappointment morphs into discouragement, discouragement morphs into resignation, and resignation morphs
into . . . No!

Photo Credit:  Shutterstock

This is when that little, green seedling pops up its head (like it has a mind of its own!) taking some of the work of fighting disappointment away from us. Hope is incorrigible, the symbol of vibrant, thriving life, which makes me suspect that it has to do with the joy of being alive almost particularly and especially when challenged by disappointment. Think about it: when you’ve accomplished something that was very difficult, that tested you every step of the way, doesn’t the world take on a remarkable brightness?

So, nature or nurture? While role models are certainly important, and the absence of them potentially detrimental, I think nurture can be overcome. Or at least its impact modified. Harmful aspects of inadequate modelling can be tempered by tallying successes against disappointments; a steady proving of oneself that, when collaborating with that little seedling of hope, can accomplish big and small things.

We may be blessed with an optimistic personality, “hope” may show up a little more often, we may have a sense of humor that acts as a foil when things look bleak, but obviously it’s a blend of nature and nurture that shapes how we handle disappointments.